


the wolves are out calling

by starfleetbanana



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew has a bad day, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Nightmares, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:39:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8982181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetbanana/pseuds/starfleetbanana
Summary: tumblr prompt: Andrew has a pretty bad nightmare





	

Andrew’s never had “good days”. The foxes’ standards are different in comparison to where they used to be and where they are now, which is a much better place all things considered. While it’s true some of them had had better -like Allison and Nicky, at some point- at least each of them feel like they own their lives and their identity. That includes Andrew, even when he doesn’t qualify as ‘satisfied’ for the foxes.

However, Andrew does have normal days and bad days. He’s quite sure the foxes don’t really notice the difference since the only people who get to see what’s really going on are Kevin, mainly because they share a room, and Neil because when Andrew does have bad days he stays away from him.

Neil isn’t usually exactly assertive, but he knows Andrew better than Andrew knows himself sometimes which is a plus to their relationship because even if he’s oblivious with his moderate flirting he knows when Andrew can’t stand being touched or spoken to without him having to say a word, so he just goes with it, texting him now and then during the day to make sure he’s as good as he can be, and though it’s sort of nice to have all of that from someone he’s willing to accept it from, it can’t make it go away.

Neil’s busy with practice. Neil’s busy with classes, homework, movies and brunch with the upperclassmen, videogames with Nicky and whatever he can do to stay away from their room because he knows his presence would only bother Andrew. It’s unfair, anyway, because though Andrew hates him, he doesn’t want to make Neil feel like he’s got to escape in order to feel safe.

Safety’s an issue for Andrew but not in the way people would expect. He won’t hurt anyone unless he has to, it’s quite the contrary. During the bad days he feels like he’s the one in danger and he’ll be too defensive to be able to have a proper conversation -to Andrew’s standards- so he won’t let himself spend too much time with anyone but Bee to distract himself. Bee’s the only one who understands his anger.

Andrew stays quiet and still during practice, vaguely aware of what’s going on around him, choosing to focus on the movement of the ball and his grip on the racquet. His eyes burn and his body feels heavy. Altogether he feels like going through withdrawal without the fun part of it, except he’s got no excuse to feel the way he does so he shakes the feeling by trying to hit Kevin with the ball every time he can.

He showers and leaves without waiting for anybody, it’s too much and too little at the same time. The weight of his discomfort is heavy and though he knows how to carry burdens by now it’s uncomfortable to see how he’s supposed to deal with all of that without doing anything physical about it.

Bee says he has to allow himself to let go but he can’t let go, he won’t let go. Andrew can’t suddenly be okay with the way his entire body burns from the inside whenever something too strong goes through him. The only thing he can stand is his hate for Neil which, one or way or another, helps him rationalise his feelings.

He’s tired but then again that’s not such a new thing for him so he does his homework in less than ten minutes and goes to bed when Neil shows up, locking the door despite knowing Neil won’t bother him. He can’t betray his own nature by being vulnerable.

Things are easier with the lights off because after years and years he’s managed to fall asleep quite quickly. He’s still alert in his sleep, but he can sleep when he’s alone and the door’s locked. Except he knows it won’t be that easy.

It’s all a blur and he knows it’s a nightmare but when he wakes up he can’t help but reach for his knives, look under the bed, check the window and the door to make sure they’re locked before getting back into bed.

The next time he wakes up it’s not quite like waking up. It happens in the worst nights when he can’t get out of his head and instead of waking up from a nightmare, he wakes up _into_ a nightmare.

It’s weird when he sees light creeping in from under the door in his nightmares. In real life he’s no longer afraid of the dark, but in his mind he remembers vividly cold fingers on him and the sharpness of a knife that didn’t belong to him. His heartbeat is too loud, so loud it drowns his harsh breathing and his broken voice. He can’t breathe and he wakes up as soon as he passes out in his nightmare.

It’s violent, unlike his behaviour had been during the day. He wakes up because he’s screaming, his vocal chords feeling like they’re being torn as he reaches for his knives without even analysing his surroundings.  He doesn’t need to defend himself from anything but he can’t calm down when he sees the blood in his hands, his own blood, smeared on his pillow. It’s too familiar, too much. It makes him too vulnerable.

He hates how much like a victim he looks in that moment.

“Andrew, I don’t want to bother you but are you okay?” Neil asks from outside after knocking, knowing Andrew won’t open the door, but still searching for some kind of sign that’ll help him know it’ll be okay. Andrew thinks Neil needs much more reassurance than he does when he’s going through a bad day, he knows the kind of validation he needs is different. He needs silence and a cigarette and a quiet ‘I’m not a pipedream’, he doesn’t need a sign or a hug.

He turns the lights on and lights a cigarette before checking again if the door’s locked. He washes his hands holding the cigarette between his lips.

“Call Bee” Neil says from the other side of the door. Andrew hears his footsteps going back to the other room where there’s a spare bed.

He chooses to listen and calls Bee when he finishes his cigarette.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> any kind of feedback's appreciated, [ send in your aftg prompts! ](minycrdjcsten.tumblr.com/ask)


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